Meet the Supermoms of Chennai

I’ve been sole-parenting my daughter Ocean since she was two and being a single mom, I have faced many challenges. When her father decided to leave, I needed to pull up the socks and do what had to be done. There was no time to think and I was clear about the fact that a woman did not need a man to take care of her financially. My daughter was, is and will always be my priority. Once you know that your married life is not good, there is no point in staying in it just for the sake of your children. This is applicable to both the father and the mother. And how much ever progressive we claim, our society will have problems with single moms raising their children. But raising a child in a negative environment will do only greater harm. So I chose to do the right thing instead of doing what the society wanted. My daughter is seven now and we have indeed come a long way. She knows the drill and handles things very well even when I am down. I am her world and it is an amazing feeling.

Trust your ability and instinct, but never feel ashamed to ask for help. There was a point in life when I used to be very strong and hard-headed. I used to feel proud of myself when I managed to do all the chores by myself. But soon I realised there is strength in being vulnerable and in accepting the fact that not everything can be done by ourselves. And when you are humble enough to accept help from the society and not feel like it is making you look weak, you truly grow as a person and as a mother. My nine-year-old son, Arya, is very appreciative and thankful of all the support his father is giving. It is sometimes better to do things separately as a father and mother, in alignment with your beliefs than pretending to be a couple and raising the child with a contradictory belief system. It is also important for the child to realise that two adults, even though separated, can be friends.

The major challenge I faced as a single mother was when the people around me didn’t let me take decisions for my daughter Akshara. From sending her to a boarding school to getting her admitted to a law college in the UK, everybody wanted to interfere in my life. But after a point, I think one should just go ahead with one’s gut instinct and let the kid do what he or she wants. As a single mother, I feel we should give the kid the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes I feel the spirit is lacking for many parents. I made sure my daughter explored all her talents. If you say you are a single mother, the society, by default, assumes that you are available and somehow gives them the opportunity to hit on us. That’s a sad reality. Another major issue I have faced is that people always gossip about single moms and their reputation takes a beating. They take us for granted and we need to screen the people.  

I include my kids Anushka and Nathan in everything I do. Right from the family’s monthly financial planning, their support is huge. I’ve made them extremely self-reliant and self-sufficient. Every decision in the family is taken after a rational and sane discussion; whether it is wanting something or a talk about their grades. Both my kids are sensible and compassionate. It is important to raise the kids to bond with each other and teach them the importance of a sibling relationship. This has only made my life easy. I can travel the world without worrying too much about them — they have each other’s support all the time. Being a single mother, I have never felt that I am stuck with my kids in one place. As a single parent, it is important to not get lost in your own problems. Many women don’t realise this and end up focusing on the negatives. But if you choose to look at the positives and work on how to reposition your life, you end up gaining strength. I chose not to dwell on the negatives and this made myself and my children strong. Instead of looking for support outside, I looked for support in my children. The children will come to that level of being an adult when you really need them.