City Parents Are Game For Gender-Neutral Parenting

Earlier this week, when Tesla CEO Elon Musk and his partner Grimes said they will follow a gender-neutral parenting style for their newborn, X Æ A-12, many started wondering what’s this parenting style all about. Gender-neutral parenting refers to raising a child in a genderless way without subjecting children to specific items assumed to be for girls or boys, like the toys they play with, skills they learn, or clothes they wear. Though this parenting style is followed by many in the West, Indian parents are still adapting to this concept.

Sushmita Ramakrishnan, a freelance architect from Chennai, doesn’t like to pin a name on her way of parenting her two children — a 16-year-old boy and a 14-year-old girl. But when she came across the term gender-neutral parenting, she realised that she follows some of the tenets of that style of parenting. “It happened organically to us — my husband, Mahesh and I never discussed how we should raise our children. I am a single child and my parents didn’t bring me up with gender-defined roles so it was never part of my life. So from my childhood, I stepped away from gender roles. Even in our marriage, we don’t have gender-defined bifurcation when it comes to performing certain duties. I think that would have led me to follow genderless parenting,” says Sushmita.

She strongly believes that there shouldn’t be any limitations placed on a child’s spirit when it comes to parenting. “There were no restrictions when it came to my children’s’ clothing choices. If my son wants to wear a pink shirt or if my daughter wants to shop in the boys’ section, I am okay with it. Also, I never told them that this is the way a boy should behave or this is how a girl should walk, etc. I strongly feel not to make statements like — boys shouldn’t cry and even told my son that it’s okay for him to shed tears. Recently, I saw actor Will Smith’s kids come up with a gender-neutral fashion line that doesn’t impose gender stereotypes. I could easily resonate with that,” the architect stresses.

Though Sushmita doesn’t subscribe to the usual ideals of a conventional mother, the recent gender-specific discussion she had with her daughter was regarding her safety. “My daughter is growing and I told her — ‘It’s your body and you own it. When it comes to your clothes for eg, I will let you know how I feel about your choices but you have to make the final decisions. Wear what makes you feel good, at the same time take in your surroundings and the society you live in. Be aware of how people are reacting to you and take responsibility for your choices.’ I don’t have a belief system hence no stereotypes. There is an open acceptance to who they may choose to be in the future. We are just four individuals who are helping each other to be a better version of ourselves,” opines Sushmita.

When Divya Rangarajan’s 7-year-old son informed her that he wanted to grow his hair long, she didn’t stop him. “He was fascinated with the idea and curious about how he would feel with long hair. Why not, we thought, it’s just hair. His hair, after all. And it was a huge learning experience for my son. We follow respectful parenting where all sorts of feelings are welcome. We never addressed our son as ‘champ’ or ‘prince’. My biggest revelation of being a parent is that first, we have to raise ourselves by losing all biases,” says Divya.

She points out the most important aspect of parenting — never consider your children as personal projects. “My son isn’t someone through which I should live my dreams. I hope that a lot of people from the younger generation will break barriers and raise children differently and not enforcing their own biases on the kids,” she adds.

Thenndral S, a psychological counsellor, says that in gender-neutral parenting, parents are removing the stereotypical roles and trying to bring a power balance. “Power balance does not turn out into a mishap in society later. Raising a child is a combined responsibility of parents, school and society. So, if parents are following this parenting style, it is essential for schools to treat children in a gender-neutral way. Otherwise, children will be confused in forming an identity,” shares Thenndral.