Hidden Load

CHENNAI: Ask any heterosexual couple about their everyday schedule, and more often than not, the woman’s day would look like this: worrying about your child’s playdate, wondering what to cook for breakfast/lunch/dinner and if there are enough vegetables and meat in the fridge for the week, planning the kind of snacks for school, arranging for someone to pick-up medicines for the elderly at home, finding out the cost of new shoes for your son/daughter, calling a technician to fix your tap/microwave, giving myriad but specific instructions to your house-help/driver/cook… Ladies, does any of this sound familiar?

This is just a peek into the kind of responsibilities that a woman – working or otherwise – is expected to fulfil on a daily basis, in addition to the burden of preparing for the daily commute, getting ready for that big presentation, meeting deadlines, etc.

While men’s mental health and their stress levels cannot be dismissed, women’s overall health is an oft-ignored topic for the supposed ‘greater well-being’ of a typical Indian family unit.

The common answer that ‘Mom knows everything’ takes a toll on women, as the strain of mental labour is grossly underestimated and has to be acknowledged, point out psychologists.

Strain of doing-it-all

Household chores are often categorised by cooking, washing and cleaning. But anyone who has ever managed a house knows that it’s a never-ending process, and requires a lot of planning, organising and re-organising things all the time – kind of like moving the pieces on a chess board.

Mental labour is an invisible form of household chores that’s far more stressful than any physical labour. Psychologists have witnessed several cases of anxiety, depression, stress and other forms of strain, among homemakers in the city.

Even in relatively progressive homes, where household chores are equally divided among the partners, mental labour ultimately falls on the woman’s shoulders.

All those activities and chores mentioned at the beginning are imperative for a smooth running of a home. But they require strategic skills in time and people management, and can only be done by someone who can take wholesome responsibility for it. Sometimes, it’s also referred to as ‘worry work’ or ‘cognitive labour’.

“It’s a common perception that working people undergo more stress but the last of household chores often go unnoticed. While mental health concerns have become a dinner-time topic of discussion, especially among the younger generation, the focus there is mostly on men, and their work and career-related struggles. Women’s holistic health concerns are either dismissed or mentioned as an after-thought,” said a psychotherapist at the Institute of Mental Health.

How it impacts health

Dr S Uthra, senior consultant, Dr Mohan’s Diabetes Specialist Centre stated that over 50% Indian women don’t leave the house even once a day due to the burden of domestic chores.

“Staying cooped up at home, tirelessly doing household chores impacts their health in the short term and long term. Women are conditioned to ignore their needs, jeopardising their diabetes management and mental health. Many women don’t know they’re 1.5 times more prone to diabetes and obesity for they consider housework as active lifestyle. Taking care of family means they find no time for walking or yoga. Over 40% of diabetics suffer from depression,” she points out.

Dr Uthra adds that women are more likely to be at risk for depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) than men. “According to a recent NCRB report, second highest percentage of all suicides in India was among homemakers. This cannot change unless women choose themselves first along with the support of her family. It’s vital for women with type 2 diabetes to take steps to aid their mental well-being,” she says.

Working women vs homemakers

The percentage of mental load that a working woman takes on is far more compared to the stress that homemakers feel. “Though we’re used to taking up the mental load all these years, it would definitely be better if someone shares it. We wouldn’t always call it a burden, but the fact that it’s taking up most of our waking hours and affecting peace can’t be denied,” said a working woman.

When asked, Jacob, a single father, says: “Though I manage everything alone now, it’s tough. Being a single parent, mental labour is harder than anything I’ve done before. The hardest part is the emotional toll it takes…I cannot comfort my son like his mother.”

Clinical psychologist Dr Vandhana at V-Cope says that irrespective of gender, the adverse impact of mental labour or cognitive labour has increased. “Not only for women, even men have to remember a lot of tasks and responsibilities. But neuro psychologically, women are more capable of multitasking. So, the load on women is higher. While men share the physical tasks, the planning, organising, follow-up, remembering, etc., falls on women.”

Talk about it

Mental health professionals suggest open conversations and the need to encourage mutual decision-making while sharing the mental load of everyday tasks, just like physical tasks.

“A lot of times, women feel emotionally exhausted because of the mental labour that they have to handle. They hesitate to ask for help and feel guilty about sharing their stress levels. We need to emphasise on self-care because emotional exhaustion can lead to poor mental health,” adds Dr Vandhana.

It’s like a chain reaction when mental load is overbearing, it affects the person emotionally which in turn affects physical labour too. This could also lead to stress and anxiety.

“Both partners should sit and talk about this. They should share their load just like how they share their physical tasks. Kids should be taught about it from a very young age,” says Dr R Varshini, a consultant psychologist in the city.

(With inputs from Sanjana Jothiprakasam)