Seven ways to deal with teenagers falling in love

Once you get over the initial shock of knowing your teenager might be in a relationship or even be in love with someone, consider how your experience of love at their age felt and feel a sense of relief of having lived through it. As a parent, use your experiences to help your teen navigate through their new chapter with love and help them cope with these feelings in the best way possible.

Give them the space: Your child will always be your child, even if they grow up. So your  worries are acceptable being a parent. But be supportive, give guidance and make an effort to be informed and involved in their life, rather than restrict or monitor everything they do. Giving them space to experience their first love means letting them be responsible for their emotions and choices. Some of first loves may end quickly, some may persist, but each relationship will teach your teen a valuable lesson. 

Talk to them: Have a conversation about what kind of person your teenager is in a relationship with. Ask them how they see the relationship, its virtues, its flaws and why they think it is special. You can also ask your teen’s friends what they think of the relationship, but do this casually as you do not want to interrogate your teen’s friends and be too aggressive about trying to find out about your teen’s partner.

Talk to your teen’s boyfriend or girlfriend directly: Invite your teen’s partner over for a family dinner or lunch to socialise with them and get to know them better. But always check with your teen before inviting their partner over, as you do not want to be too overbearing or disrespectful towards them.

Build a relationship of trust: This is important because the more your teen trusts you, the more they will feel comfortable talking to you about their relationship. One way to build trust with your teen is to be calm and not overreact to your teen’s new relationship. Avoid being intrusive. On the other hand, do not be indifferent and do not underestimate the relationship of your teen. Keep in mind that he/she is going through a very important emotional experience. 

Establish boundaries: Your teenager will probably be obsessed with their new relationship and spend the whole day chatting online or on the phone with their boyfriend or girlfriend. Depending on how often your teen is spending time on the internet or the phone, set time limits on how long they can chat with their partner. Explain that they should be spending their time equally with their partner and doing activities with others. Make sure to tell them where they need to draw the line otherwise too.

Be firm, but fair: Do not be too lenient as you guide your teen through his/her relationship. Be consistent with your discipline but make sure that your rules are fair. Set a realistic curfew to follow and reasonable limits on their internet and phone usage. 

Be understanding through breakup: Teenage love can last, but very often, it will end in fighting and tears. Do not show your disapproval or dismiss your teen’s grief or depression. Instead, try to talk to your teen, distract them by doing some of their favorite activities or taking them on a camping trip away from their usual surroundings. If your teen does open up about their feelings and sadness, listen to them and try to offer words of comfort and support.