Parenting is trial and error that brings responsibilities, say experts

VAISHNAVI BALASUBRAMANIAN

The Indianised way of parenting is opinionated where the perspective of the collective is considered more important than that of the individual. Parents are keen on propagating their dreams to their children rather than letting them take their own call on career choices. “Parenting is a trial and error method that brings higher responsibilities to the couple, where, sometimes parents make mistakes; which is fine as long as they are ready to learn from their mistakes,” says Dr Janani Shankar, psychiatrist, founder of Shraddha psychiatric clinic.

Parenting is one’s way of sculpting a good fit into this society, in this digital age, “Parents are socially engulfing themselves online and they tend to make their wards too in the same way which leads to a lack of communication between the parents and their kids. This in turn, results in children’s variable behaviour in society, especially, continuous disrespect for elders even after preaching, and not being attentive towards society,” says Mrs S Vidya, senior montessori teacher. She also adds that kids are being pampered by parents too much which creates an emotional rigidness in themselves that turns out cold and makes children discrete when they grow up.

A lot of what the child does or the way the child behaves once he or she is an adult actually stems from their childhood experiences. So it’s very important to also nurture the emotional growth in a child, rather than thinking that children aren’t emotional.

Dr Janani adds, “Indian parents need to understand that each child is unique, each child is different. The skill sets, the ability, the temperament; it’s very varied even amongst two children or two siblings in the same family, children are very different. So we need to work on what the child is good at and nurture those skills instead of trying to push”.

These experiences change the perception of kids where they antagonise their parents whom they continuously fear. This paves the way for an uneasy relationship. “When children are not given the space to communicate it ends up in a lot of unwanted repression or holding of negative emotions which comes out in the form of behavioural changes. So it’s important for parents to talk with children irrespective of their age and give them the understanding and the belief that they are always there for them no matter what.

“There needs to be a space. Where the child is not going to be judged. This gives the child the atmosphere, the place for them to be able to trust the parent and confidence.

We give so much importance to physical health, to how the child does in school, and so on. It’s also equally important for us to be able to tell the child that mental health is also important,” adds Dr Janani.