Royal rumble: When Harry met Meghan

ROXANE GAY

Until the 20th century, monarchies were the rule rather than the exception. The pleasures of being royal family members are obvious: Their countries are organised according to the whims of a single leader who, at least for the British constitutional monarchy, believes the sovereign’s power is ordained by God in an unbroken line of succession.

This is, of course, absolute nonsense. What’s more, monarchies are almost never benevolent, even if they have no political power.

They are often upheld with one form of violence or another, and their gilded existence is subsidised by the people they rule. In exchange, the titled surrender most of their privacy and lead lives of service to the crown.

Lots of people fantasise about royal life, but when you look past the obscene wealth, pomp and circumstance, the day to day seems absolutely miserable.

Marrying into a monarchy comes at an incredibly high cost. When Prince Harry met and married the American actress Meghan Markle, we saw, in real time, just how high a price the crown was willing to extract from an outsider.

In the Netflix documentary “Harry & Meghan,” the Duke and Duchess of Sussex share intimate details of their lives, from their courtship to giving up their royal duties and privileges and moving to California to raise their young family.

Using a combination of historical footage, family photos and videos and stylish confessionals from scholars, friends and family, they tell a story that, frankly, we mostly already know. You might be surprised to hear that the trilogy of Lifetime movies about Harry and Meghan’s courtship is fairly accurate.

There is no mystery as to why Harry and Meghan decided to step away from their royal duties. They were saving their lives and preserving what peace of mind they could salvage from the wreckage of the almost three years they spent trying to solicit support from the royal family.

Even in royal exile, Meghan plays the part of a perfect princess. As she speaks, she looks flawless: graceful and poised. When discussing Harry’s family, she is surprisingly diplomatic. She is at her most natural in the moments she shares with her mother, Doria, or her husband and children.

Harry too is graceful and poised — but in the way of someone who has lived his entire life as an heir to the throne. He speaks with the zeal and conviction of the newly converted when damning the unholy alliance between the royal family and the British press, when explaining the clear trauma of losing his mother and when making it crystal clear that he will protect his family, at any cost.

When Harry and Meghan discuss their relationship and share intimate footage of their private lives, it’s obvious they love each other. Harry seems incredibly content, often walking around barefoot, wearing cargo shorts, playing with his dogs and his children and beaming uxoriously at his beautiful wife.

When he smiles as he walks along a sandy beach or lifts his son onto his shoulders, it’s clear that Harry most likely would have left the royal family one way or another. Meghan wasn’t the reason Harry left. She was the doorway through which he exited.

It would be easy to dismiss the Sussexes and their plight. But their immense privilege could not shield them from racism which, ultimately, forced the wedge between them and the royal family. In the end, racism was more powerful than familial bonds.

The monarchy’s consistent unwillingness to protect Meghan Markle in the face of truly horrific tabloid coverage and online harassment was indefensible.