This used to be my playground...

When I was 14, the revelations of my six-year-old playmate and neighbour Lakshmi shocked me. When we were playing in my house, she confessed that she hated her cousin brother as he often hurt her private parts. 

Her cousin would close her mouth using his hand when she was sleeping and poke her private parts. Though Lakshmi had come to play with us in my garden, she sobbed till she fell asleep after recounting the incidents.

What worried me more was the behaviour of Lakshmi’s mother who restricted the child from coming to my home after that day. Later, I heard that she did not even question the cousin for what he did. I still get nightmares when I think of Lakshmi and her cousin.

As a sixteen-year-old, I knew a certain Sonu Singh Sengar, who was a neighbour and two years older to me. Suddenly one day, everyone in my village Chilaula was talking about Sonu Singh sexually assaulting a girl in Kanpur. By then, I was old enough then to understand the gravity of the crime but to my shock, Sonu was just charged for theft at the girl’s house and soon let off. 

Being the relative of a panchayat member of a nearby village and having a sub-inspector father in Uttar Pradesh Police obviously worked in his favour. He is now a happily married man and can still be seen ogling at the girls in the village whenever I visit.

Back then, I did not know that these incidents could ever become news for I grew up seeing these men roaming free and leading happy lives while their victims often vanished from the village.

Five years ago, when I came to Chennai to pursue my graduation at the Madras Christian College here, no one knew where my hometown Unnao was. I would tell people that I am from Kanpur as it was the nearest city.

Now, when one comes to know that I am from Unnao, the questions that pop out instantly are only on the infamous rapes and murders that have become synonymous with my hometown.

An insignificant town of about 31 lakh population in Uttar Pradesh, Unnao has become a hot topic in newsrooms. With more than 85 rape cases and more than 185 sexual assault cases reported in the district since January this year, Unnao has been labelled India’s ‘rape capital’.

Having born and brought up in this ‘happening’ place that spews misogyny, I feel a mixture of shame, sadness, disappointment and embarrassment when I read about the rape cases and other crimes against women.

As a young woman journalist in Chennai, I find it distressing to see the newspapers and television channels feature my hometown almost every other day for all the undesirable reasons.

I say this as even when I type ‘Unnao’ in Google search tab, the software automatically suggests ‘Unnao Rape case’. The gang rape of a 17-year-old girl by a BJP MLA Kuldeep Singh Sengar even finds a mention on Wikipedia.

I recall meeting Kuldeep Singh Sengar at an event in which I represented my school for a competition. He presented an award to me then and I looked up to him as he was the chief guest.

At the time, I had no idea that this person who was encouraging me to bring more laurels to my hometown would, in future, would become the one bringing deep shame to my hometown. 

What shocks me further is the sight of people in Unnao celebrating his birthday and posting messages for him on social media even after the incident.

When I decided to leave Unnao in 2014, I remember my mother asking me not to choose Delhi for higher education as she was concerned about my safety after the Nirbhaya case. Ironically, my birthplace is turning out to be most unsafe for women in the country.

Growing up, I often heard of such gruesome crimes during casual conversations. I consoled myself thinking that they were just random incidents and hoped that one day things would change. 

And, things did change, but only for worse. Now, the crimes committed against women in my hometown are discussed internationally for their heinousness.

The most recent case of a 23-year-old rape victim set ablaze by the accused Shivam Trivedi, who was out on bail, has made me lose the tiny bit of hope I had for a time in Unnao when law and order, or some semblance of it, would be in place.

On the day that a young rape victim lost her battle against life, another rape in Unnao made national news - a three-year-old was sexually assaulted by a 16-year-old in Chakalvansi, Unnao.

These are just a handful of cases that come out in public domain among the many crimes that are perpetrated against women day after day. Every day, hundreds of women from Bangarmau, Makhi, Asoha, Ajgain, Unnao city and Chakalvansi suffer the same fate of these victims - in silence.

Ironically, none of these cases make it to news as the women either do not have a platform to voice their issues or worse, they consider it their fate to be treated like slaves by men, often their own.

Most children cherish their childhood memories, especially when they leave home to live in a distant city. But for me, memories hurt.

For most of us, rapists, child molesters and murders are often those we read about in newspapers and watch with horror on TV. But, if you grew up in Unnao, they are most often your neighbours, chachas and even role models whom you once looked up to.

When I was seven, I overheard the conversation my grandmother had with a relative about our neighbour Aakash Tiwari (30). He had allegedly raped 17-year-old Pushpa Dwivedi, who was put on house arrest after the assault.

That evening, I watched Aakash relish pooris and halwa served by his wife as I passed by their home. But I never saw Pushpa after that day. Some say she was married off and sent to a distant relative’s home.

I did not understand what rape was at that age but was old enough to know that Aakash had misbehaved with Pushpa and harmed her. Since then, whenever I saw Aakash, I felt a discomfort so unnerving that I never had the courage to face him.

When he came home, my grandmother would instruct me to greet him with a ‘Namaste’. She would serve him snacks too. Everyone in my family would then pretend as if nothing had happened to Pushpa. Although I hated to even talk to him, he would often come to me talk to me about my studies and engage in other small talk.

But I was not allowed to speak about Pushpa in front of Akash as my family members felt it would bring dishonour to the family. Yes, treating a rapist with even the slightest disrespect brought dishonour to your family.

Ironically, Pushpa was not Akash’s only victim. He should first be put behind the bars for domestic violence against his wife Rukmini. 

Over the years, the woman had sustained many severe injuries in her head, back and legs and almost escaped death once at the hands of her husband. Yet, neither his parents nor his children ever questioned this.

Now, I see his son following the footsteps of the father. He too gets drunk and hits his wife and children. Aakash has a granddaughter now and he makes sure that she does not talk to any boy in the village as he knows that there are hundreds of men like him searching for their next victim.

Toilets are still an issue in Unnao. Despite the claims of our Prime Minister Narendra Modi that India is open defecation free; women in villages of Unnao have to go to the fields either early morning or after dark in the evening because many of the homes do not have toilets even now. 

This becomes an excuse for many of crimes against women in my hometown. Women are often left assaulted and even murdered in the fields when they go alone. Later, the incident would be hushed up and villagers could be heard saying: ‘She went to the toilet alone but did not return.’ Everyone in Unnao knew what that meant.

And that is exactly what happened with 18-year-old Savita Shukla and her younger sister Kavita Shukla. According to the villagers, the sisters went to the fields to relieve themselves one morning and never returned.

But we all knew that Kavita and Savita disappeared as the former was seen talking to a boy in public recently. While Savita was accused of being overtly friendly with boys, Kavita’s only fault was that she was supportive of her sister. 

The police reports concluded that the siblings were murdered by unkown persons, put people in Unnao knew that she was murdered by her father and brothers and later dumped in the fields.

And for what? To preserve the family honour.

When I visited my family recently, I happened to meet Ram Kishore, father of Savita and Kavita. He was sitting with a group of men from the neighbourhood at a tea shop with no regret or guilt on his face. 

On the contrary, I could see he was hailed as a hero by everyone for murdering his own daughters to maintain family honour. Upon noticing me, he asked: “How is life in Chennai?”

I had a thousand questions in mind but just walked back home in disgust without uttering a word like all other women in Unnao.

For that’s how women are treated in my hometown - as mere slaves. I have witnessed episodes of men hitting their wives for reasons as trivial as less salt in food, questioning them hitting the children, and even coming home drunk.

If the woman ever protests, she is raped. Yes, I am talking of marital rape. Despite whatever happens at nights, the wife is expected to fall at the feet of the husband every morning before she starts her day.

My acquaintance Reena is an example. She has been married to Puneet Mishra* for more than 25 years now. Recently, she developed a spine problem after she was beaten with belts by her husband for allowing her children to buy some snacks from the roadside.

The huge scar that she bears on her head appeared after her husband pushed her against the wall because she was late by 10 minutes in serving him food. Reena’s daughter too has multiple scars near her eyes after Puneet hit her over some petty issues. 

Instead of helping Reena, the women in the village console her saying she is lucky that her husband does not drink and is a teetotaller.

In Unnao, women still cast votes for the party their husbands ask them to vote, they wear a veil when step out, eat after their husbands do, women do not consider domestic violence as a crime, and reservations for women in the panchayat are only one paper. Thus, it is no wonder that women – from minors to 90-year-olds – are assaulted and murdered.

When the Kuldeep Singh Sengar’s case hogged the limelight, his wife was seeing advocating for him claiming he was innocent and was only being targeted for political gains. 

Even after he attempt to kill the victim, his wife maintained that her husband was innocent.

Shivam Trivedi, the main accused in the rape of 23-year-old in Unnao, was backed by his mother and sisters who also claimed that the girl only made such claims to extort money from them.

Before writing this piece, I spoke to Akash Tiwari’s wife Rukmini on what she felt about her husband. As I had expected, she was defensive. “Women are the ones who try to woo men and then blame it on men. 

He hits me because I belong to him and that is his right. Women who talk to men and have boys as their friends should be killed only because they bring disgrace to the family,” Rukmini told me.

Richa Tripathi, who was also born and brought up in Unnao and is currently studying in Gujarat has a different stand. “We can’t simply blame the women as they are not empowered at all and cannot see their life beyond their husbands/fathers trapped in the highly patriarchal society. 

They are too scared to raise their voice for themselves or others because they just cannot contemplate their life after that. They know that society will never support them and even call them characterless, which is worse. 

So, them not raising their voices against crimes against women comes more from a place of insecurity rather than them worshipping their husbands/sons. 

They always know what their husband or son is capable of regarding committing these crimes but live in denial. It needs a lot of courage to stand up against our own family members, even the rich and privileged don’t do that,” Richa argued.

According to Harshita Shukla, Woman convener of the Magic Foundation, a non-governmental organization in Unnao, the town is completely deserted after 8 pm. “Women are not seen on road. 

The state of women is so pathetic that even if they cover their face using a dupatta to avoid the sun, boys call her peedita (victim) and make fun of her. 

There is no empathy and women are always blamed. Even I have been warned by my relatives that if I chose to show off by wearing jeans, I will be ripped to pieces,” Harshita said.

After talking to these women from Unnao, I find no surprise that I never met a woman journalist from my hometown yet. Had I remained home, I could never think of a career in journalism as I could never travel alone for reporting nor could I write about the issues, women faced as I do now.

For even now when I go back home, my father drops and picks me every time I step out of the house. Till date, my mother has never stepped out of our home alone.