Global Tamilian: To the finest, caring locked-down dads: Happy Father’s Day

Chennai

THE stay-at-home days spent in fear of the COVID-19 virus attack did impact our lives in many ways. One of the deeper imprints it had on the families the world over is on the role of fathers. It’s beautiful to pen some thoughts on the lives of grounded fathers on this very Father’s Day as we send our love and wishes to the most impactful person in our lives.

With the doors of the outside world locked for long, the inward journey of these fathers had made some interesting revelations, particularly in the lives of Indian American families. It is well known for long that the father’s role in an immigrant family has been presumably accepted to be a participating one, quite contrary to the majority belief of egoic version back home or at least those back in days.

True the lockdown period has spread the soft side of our dads wider than the virus itself. It’s not the dishwashing and laundry chores that the father lavishly spent time on during the lockdown that has scored well, but more importantly, being able to be there watching the role of everyone in close corners in the family that has made all the difference.

“My husband for the first time is able to have empathy for me as a homemaker,” said a mom of twin toddlers.

“Since we moved to the US three years back, he has always been helping me with my home chores without hesitation, but this long stay at home makes me feel that he really feels for what it is to be at home with no help and two naughty toddlers to engage,” said a young mom.
 
“The father time he spends with my little ones needs no explanation. He is proud to say to his colleagues that his two-year-old was after his phone and so asked to push his call a few minutes later,” said another.

Some feel that the fathers have not only become participating and empathetic but have actually become less demanding from their children. Maybe the virus threat and the deadly impact is working its magic spell, said a teen who is about to make his college choices.

“My dad who usually expects more from me kept talking to me so close and I felt he appreciated all that I was doing and seemed less demanding”. “It is also that the teens in the house have less opportunity to go outside that they spend quality time with their dads, that makes them both exchange and end up showing as different personalities,” feels a concerned mom.
 
Work at home can also be very stressful for families with children as it demands a disciplined work environment.

“When the COVID-19 quarantine was announced, the first tension we had was answering the question of how we were going to manage dad and his expectation of silence in the house. As magic would have it, the father’s work from home was the smoothest ever as he says he got used to the disturbances from our sweet kids. What cannot be changed is to be accepted, is the new avatar of our quarantined fathers.

“Groceries used to be my routine. I used to complain that with my office work schedule this was getting tough to handle. The lockdown time saw a difference with the dad of the house doing grocery shopping religiously once a fortnight, buying mostly from online and also making a few steps outside to get the greens,” remarked a software engineer mom.

Maybe the feel of keeping the family safe is pushing them. Their chance to drive the car outside is blocked totally, that the dad’s love to do the grocery is taking over. Even in the long waiting lines at the shops, with masks over their face, the dads outnumbered the moms.

The change is not just with the young dad, my eighty-two-year-old father-in-law who stays with us has become less complaining these days on the choice of the menu he is served, or the sounds of the TV programs the children watch, claimed a daughter-in-law.

“My sixty-year-old dad, who is stranded here as India flights are cancelled, feels lucky for staying with his son at a time when the pandemic is threatening lives. He feels thankful for being close to his loved children rather than being alone in India. For the first time, there is no complaint on his choice of coming to visit us even when missing his friends and siblings back in India,” observed a loving son.

While all these are true, there are still the fathers with a ‘me the DAD’ attitude found in these Indian American families.

Not that loud noises of exchange of opinions and fights can never be found anymore. They do exist. Interestingly, they are just not specific to the Indian community but spread across the cross-section.

With all being said, the fact remains that there is less driving, no classes to drop the kids, no work or leisure to plan, no restaurants to dine.

There are abundant time and space available to look at what we missed to notice earlier. In the light of stay at home, we get to see the new avatar of our dads standing out. Unconditional support from the tall man in our lives — our dear fathers — need a mention.

Sending love and hugs to all fathers for being who they are.
 
It is only sad that the world has lost so many of such angel dad souls to the cruel virus that is still chasing us. We stay united in singing the ode to the lovable dads.

 Happy Father’s Day!
 
— The writer is a journalist based in New York