Unleashing the incredible power of letting go

Decluttering tips in Gretchen Rubin’s Outer order, inner calm, which I had finished reading the previous night, were still swarming and cluttering my mind when I began packing my bags for a trip to the US in the second week of November this year. As I dug into my wardrobe, I realised I had accumulated an awful lot of stuff over the years. I also realised that most of the things were lying untouched. I had neither used nor missed them before or during the pandemic. So I subjected the stuff lying with me to three questions which Ms Rubin lays out in her book - “Do I use it? Do I need it? Do I love it?” And if the answer to all three queries turned out to be no, I got rid of the stuff, which is how I ended up giving away four sack loads of clothes, old books, old electronics, old files and papers to the needy. Doing that proved to be a liberating experience for me. We all have so much stuff to go, but the fear that we would need the things at some point, or miss them later, or the thought of the item developing some magical future use makes us cling to it. In cleaning out my closet, I uncovered a metaphor. Like the physical stuff we hold on to, we in mental space hold on to the stories we tell ourselves, old identities that we don’t identify with anymore, toxic relationships, etc. Most of which don’t serve us.

To unearth things that were not serving me and holding me back, I had to take an inventory of my mental space to let go of things holding me back. A quick scroll through my mental space disclosed that I had inadvertently rented my mental real estate to some old beliefs and a couple of mental constructs that were probably not serving me. The first thing that showed up during the analysis was an awareness that I was holding onto a couple of unpleasant things that prevented me from fully experiencing life. Something presumably akin to the story of two monks. While returning to their monastery, two monks come across a stream possessing a strong current that a terrified beautiful young girl is scared to cross.

Noticing the predicament of the pretty girl, the elder of the two lifts her and swiftly carries her to the other side. Both continue their journey afterwards to the monastery. Later in the evening, the younger monk comes to the older monk and demands how a monk could touch a woman. The elder monk smiles at him and replies that he had left the woman by the riverside hours ago. But the younger monk was still carrying her in his mind. In life, we all have unpleasant situations which we tend to carry instead of letting go. Still, despite such circumstances, like the senior monk, it would be better to forgive people, drop resentments and remorse, and move on with life.

The second revelation that confronted me while journaling was the existence of an unconscious mental pattern of clinging to thought forms and things. In Buddhism, letting go does not mean letting go of things; it means letting go of our clinging to whatever. To do that, one would have to drop all clinging. It may not be easy to let go of the clinging, while life circumstances may force a few to a fate akin to that of the dewdrop. In an old story, a dewdrop that lay shining like a pearl atop a leaf skidded to the edge of the leaf because of a strong breeze. Terrified of falling and getting smashed, the drop desperately tried holding on to the leaf. But, unable to cling on, it surrenders to gravity, trusting the unknown. Suddenly, fear gives way for deep joy as the tiny dewdrop free falls and merges with the vastness of the pond into which it dropped. The dewdrop was no more, but it did not get destroyed either. Instead, it had become one with the whole. Letting go means relinquishing the ego, non-attachment to outcomes, surrendering desires, accepting the present, and letting life unfold like a rose without forcing anything.

People suffer because of their attachment to people, places, or things. We cling to people or something because of the belief that they make us happy. We are not aware that we are merely trying to fill the emptiness or void within us when we look for happiness outside of ourselves. Therefore, letting go means not seeking or attaching ourselves to something outside for acceptance, love, security, or joy. Letting go is surrender and radical acceptance of others, irrespective of how they are or seem to be and our life situation. Because only when we accept what is can we transform ourselves.

Finally, letting go is about trusting life or some greater power that permeates this universe. Here is a case in point. A rock climber in the mountains’ heights got lost and could see nothing as the night fell heavy. Suddenly, he slipped and started falling at great speed. He suddenly felt the rope tied to his waist pull him hard. His body was hanging in the air. Helpless, he screamed, “Help me, God.” And God replied, “Cut the rope tied to your waist. The rock climber at that moment refused to trust the voice and continued holding on to the string. The following day, the rescue team reported that they had found a climber dead and frozen, his body hanging from a rope. His hands were holding tight to the cord -just one foot above the ground. Unlike the mountain climber, we may have to detach ourselves from the ropes that are binding us. We have to let go of the unreal and hold on to the real, which is eternal and all-pervading, as letting go brings relief, ease, joy, and love by rooting out suffering.