Global Tamilian: Understanding rare mannerisms helps cultural integration

Indian head nods and the American welcome smiles are two fascinating gestures that complement each other’s surprise elements, making it worthy to explore. Interestingly, these subtle mannerisms stand out, offering the necessary connection between two worlds that strive to merge with one another.

 Any time, walk past a public park, a public library or even stop by a gas station or a grocery store, you can’t escape the friendly smile of an American. Particularly, if it is a small town, a friendly exchange offers a deep and pleasant sight. This warm exchange of welcome between strangers is so new yet soothing for a new immigrant, for whom it is the “magical” gesture that has already made the new-found land a familiar one. 

Initial days appear strange for us. Be it an etiquette like waiting to be called to pay the bill or finding the right parking slot for a car at a mall, or returning the book at a library — everything overwhelms you. “Because you are so desperate to not let others know that these look so different than what we were used to back home. At the time of initial hesitation to proceed when someone is smiling at you, acknowledging that you are fine, you get reinforced with an unknown strength that adds extra confidence to act,” says Sanjana Naik. 

 “I can’t help but recall an incident. During the first week of my starting life in the US, how stupidly I was staring at the coin slot in a laundry room. Not knowing how to operate by inserting the coin, I was completely lost. Swiftly came in a White man, who smiled at me as he knew me for ages, catching me unawares as he naturally asked how I was doing. It felt so homely when I responded that I was doing good. And, surprisingly, my left hand was on the right knob, easily starting the washing machine as if I was a pro at it. That moment I realised what all can such a magic smile do,” recalls Radhika Nagarajan, who came to the country 30 years ago, when Indian immigrants were not a global phenomenon.

 “My son was warning me with a list of dos and don’ts when I decided to take a walk down the street for a morning stroll. To my surprise, the fellow walkers, whom I had not even seen once before, gave me such a friendly smile as they greeted me. This was quite contrary to the busy and tight faces that one often sees, back in India, while engaged in the routine,” observes 60-year-old Mahalakshmi Ranganathan, who had come on a vacation. 

 This smile is strange to the Indian immigrants, who are often warned and trained to question with doubt on an unexpected smile from a passerby. But what goes wrong most of the times is when one overthinks to treat this smile as an invitation for further intimate conversation.  So when walking by the same route amid people, who smile at you every morning, if one is found to be in trouble, needing help, the norm here is to follow the protocol and call the cops for help. This is contrary to the Indian style of intervening, that often leads to more personal involvement. What a strange scenario. Who would have thought that the friendly smile that put one close could have turned into an acquaintance! Back home, calling cops definitely is not perceived as an act for friendly reasons. It’s different than what it appears to be is the learning. 

On the other side yet another interesting facet is the Indian head nods of acknowledgement, which is a complex matter for the westerners to comprehend. Interestingly, it also remains as one of admiration. Firstly, to know that there are many failed attempts to replicate and make sense of the nods is quite interesting to share. “I have never felt that a simple head nod that I cared not about at any time, has kept my colleagues so much in a spot,” says Namitha Rao, an HR professional, who goes on to add, “my colleagues brought to my notice that we have different head nod postures for different situations that only confuses them.”  

 Perpendicular nods can mean ‘yes’ and also a ‘no’ depending on the speed and angles. Is it so, a question that typically pops up, most often. A vigorous side-to-side head shake doesn’t convey the same intensity of the situation as the slow ones. Head nods, while talking, is meant to add more meaning for the words being spoken or the thoughts being articulated. But, when not used to, one does not simply get it. “Many times when the mind is seriously pondering on a thought, the heads alone shake which is a put off for my colleague. Is that a yes or a no, comes the sharp retort,” says a rueful Bargavi Dutta. 

 The interesting thing about the whole thought process is that the western world too takes time to adjust and understand us, the immigrants from the East. Many times we think that they are alien to us and only we need to adjust to understand them. But on most occasions, it is also the other way. They also take a step to know and gauge our mannerisms and expressions. Here the bonding appears to happen so naturally between ethnicities. There is no one feeling dominant or gaining an upper-hand over the other. 

 Usually, a western colleague comes to confess embarrassing moments of being unable to identify a person. That could lead them to say that “all Indians look the same.” A response could be “we thought this was true for us (immigrants), where Joe and James appear the same.” Maybe, it is worthwhile to note that a Shakthi and a Shakil also look the same to them!