From courtship to casual: The changing expectations of modern dating

CHENNAI: Dating has evolved dramatically, with modern attitudes, technologies, and behaviours reshaping the experience. From the rise of dating apps to shifting cultural expectations, how people approach romance today vastly differs from previous generations. Those active in the dating world share their insights on how these changes impact relationships, connection-building, and social norms.

Open intentions and casual connections

Pooja Tayal, cultural and communication coordinator at the Alliance Française of Madras, observes that dating has become more transparent. “People today are more open about their intentions. There’s less secrecy, and expectations are communicated clearly - whether someone is seeking a casual connection, friendship, or a serious relationship,” Pooja starts.

She notes that dating apps have transformed how people meet and connect, especially with busy schedules and the challenges of meeting people outside of work. “For newcomers to a city, dating apps are a great way to find connections. But it's no longer just about dating; it’s about discovering shared values and lifestyles. Conversations now focus on future goals, travel plans, financial ambitions, career ambitions, favourite cuisines and even Netflix recommendations. These details give a glimpse into someone's priorities and values, which are essential for understanding compatibility.”

Casual or committed? The new ambiguity

The shift in dating intentions is also evident in the changing attitudes toward commitment. Samyuktha Jayanty, a student, notes that while dating once meant a clear path toward a long-term commitment, it has now become much more fluid. “People have different definitions of dating today. Some are looking for stability and a serious connection, while others are more focused on casual encounters. This has created a lot of ambiguity - people are unsure about what their partner wants, making dating a more unpredictable experience," she explains.

According to Samyuktha, this lack of clarity has changed dating etiquette as well. “In the past, people would plan dates carefully, calling each other in advance to express interest. Now, it’s often reduced to a quick text message. It feels less personal,” she says. However, she also notes a positive change: “I love that more women today are taking the initiative to ask men out, instead of waiting for them to make the first move.”

The issue of safety has also become more prominent in dating conversations. “Women are now more cautious about meeting for the first time. Many prefer public places for the first date, which reflects both a change in communication and a heightened awareness of personal safety,” Samyuktha adds.

The double-edged sword of dating apps

While dating apps like Bumble and Hinge have made it easier to meet people, they come with their own set of challenges. “The abundance of options on these platforms can make it feel like people are swiping through profiles rather than forming genuine connections. It can be hard to figure out who’s looking for what. Many seem hesitant to commit or are unsure of what they want, often because of past experiences,” says Samyuktha.

Zarn, a 32-year-old freelance filmmaker, shares a similar sentiment. He finds it difficult to navigate through profiles where many people put on a facade. “It's a bit of a rollercoaster trying to find someone authentic. It’s tough to get through the digital noise and find someone who’s genuinely interested in building a real connection," Zarn tells us.

Finding common ground: Interests and chemistry

Despite the challenges of dating apps, many people agree that having common interests can help establish a strong connection. “Talking about shared hobbies or passions is an excellent way to break the ice and create a relaxed atmosphere. It makes the conversation flow more easily and allows both people to get a sense of each other’s personalities,” says Samyuktha

However, she also notes that chemistry - an intangible spark - plays a crucial role. “Compatibility in interests is important, but it’s the chemistry that makes the experience memorable. Without that spark, even the best-shared interests might fall flat.”

Search for meaningful connections

For Zarn, the goal of dating apps is simple - “I’m looking for someone who appreciates the simplicity of a traditional date, where we can meet, talk, and enjoy each other’s company in person. It’s about creating genuine connections beyond the digital world. I value shared experiences, so things like culinary compatibility or movie choices matter. If we’re too different in our dietary choices, like if my match is vegan and I’m not, it could be a dealbreaker," the filmmaker notes.

Entrepreneur Anusheel Chowdhury notes the changing expectations surrounding dating today. “In the past, dating was about forming a connection with one person - having a 'crush' and building something slowly. Today, people are just exploring their options. Around 70-80 per cent of men, I believe, aren’t interested in long-term commitments. They just want to ‘chill,’ with no focus on serious relationships.”

Chowdhury argues that respect, punctuality, and loyalty - once central to dating - are now often sidelined. “A lot of people use dating apps for validation - seeing how many are interested in them rather than forming a real connection. But despite these trends, there are still people looking for long-term relationships. It’s just that they’re in the minority," he observes.

The role of shared interests in compatibility

Even in a world where casual connections often dominate, shared interests remain an important foundation for many. “People bond over things like movies, travel, or sports. Some are even open to the idea that opposites attract - someone who loves horror films might be drawn to a person who prefers comedies. In the end, it’s about finding someone with whom you can connect on a deeper level, even if you don’t agree on everything," opines Chowdhury.

For many, dating apps have become more than just a way to find romantic partners. They’ve turned into a space for socialising, networking, and exploring new possibilities. “I use apps like Bumble and Hinge not just for dating but to meet people professionally too. You can connect with like-minded individuals and see where things go - romantically or otherwise," the young entrepreneur adds.

As societal norms continue to shift, so too does the way people approach relationships. Whether seeking a life partner or simply building a connection, it’s clear that dating has become a more fluid, complex experience. Yet, amid all the change, the core of meaningful connections remains the same: mutual respect, understanding, and that elusive spark that makes spending time together truly special.