Keeping our children safe: It is important to tell them about ‘touch’

It is now important to teach our children about good and bad touch.

This is a dialogue we need to have with our children on a regular basis. It is important to touch upon every rule and information while speaking to them, although not necessarily in one go. It is also essential that we answer all their questions in an honest and age appropriate manner.

It is important for us, as parents, to create a network of 4-5 trusted adults with whom our children can share anything that’s happening in their lives without any fear. Apart from the parents, this could involve grandparents, aunts, uncles and their teachers. Tell the children they could go to any of these adults if needed.

Conversations to have with children: Start by teaching children what parts of their body are considered their “private parts”. 

To make it simple, tell them that the parts covered by underwear and their chest are private and it’s not OK for anyone to touch them. It is also not OK for anyone to kiss them on their mouth Boys and girls have different private parts It is important to use the correct anatomical names for their private parts. The children can thus tell you clearly if anyone touches their private parts Let them know the important rule about private parts - It’s not OK for anyone to look at or touch our private parts. If someone does so, the children can yell, ‘NO’ or ‘STOP’ and run away from that person. They must go to a place where there are more people, which can make them feel secure. Then as soon as possible, the children must inform an adult in the safety network know about the incident The same rule applies if anyone asks the children to touch their private parts or if they touch their private parts in front of you Tell them that if anyone touches them in a way which makes them feel uncomfortable, it is important that they tell an adult. The same rule applies if anyone asks them to keep a secret which makes them feel gross or scared Children should be told that if an adult makes them uncomfortable, it’s never their fault and It is OK to come tell their trusted adults even if that person is close to the family or part of it All this information should be given to children in a matter of fact manner and not in a way that induces fear.

There are some exceptions as to who can look at or touch their private parts, and those need to be discussed with the children too, so that they don’t get confused. The adult caregivers can look at or touch their private parts, to help keep the children clean during their bath time or when they use the toilet The doctor can check their private parts, in the presence of an adult in their safety network, to keep them healthy Having given children this information, our hope is that they turn to us and talk about it if anyone touches them inappropriately. They will do this only if they feel we usually listen to them with full respect, take their side against other adults when needed and believe them at all times. They should experience a sense of safety with us and feel confident that they can share without the fear of being reprimanded, lectured, blamed or judged. This kind of a relationship must be built in all areas of life not just in relation to their bodies. When children consider and trust us to be their ally and can come to us without hesitation, we have a greater chance of keeping them safe.